


Not A Honeymoon

by FriendshipCastle



Series: Between Scenes [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Age Difference, Alcohol, Established Relationship, M/M, Rin's not dead and the rest of the canon is iffy, T for swears, and a lot of sex talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-29
Updated: 2015-01-29
Packaged: 2018-03-09 13:41:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3251888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FriendshipCastle/pseuds/FriendshipCastle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here, have an anime-universe mess that barely clings to canon.  Takes place during the first few arcs of <em>Shippuden</em> and kind of the Yamato backstory episodes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not A Honeymoon

“You know,” Yamato said, “I think this is probably the most time we’ve ever spent together.”

Kakashi grunted. He was sprawled on the couch Yamato had constructed for him, shaded in tree-dappled light, and he was reading. Yamato should have known better than to say anything when he was engrossed in one of his, ahem, novels.

Yamato took a moment to readjust the grip he had on his own elbow, steadying his extended arm. He watched the several dozen Narutos lined up on a bridge smacking at the waterfall Yamato had made. It was an image he’d been observing constantly for the past three days. It was still hilarious if he let himself think about it too hard, so he concentrated on looking very composed and in control of the situation. He had an image to maintain.

Kakashi suddenly took a deep breath, as if he was surfacing from sleep, and his gaze flicked up. “You say something?”

“Yes,” Yamato said. “I think this is the most extended period of time we’ve ever spent together.”

“Hm.” Kakashi looked at the sky meditatively. “Yeah. It is.”

Yamato nodded. For a moment, there was only the roar of the waterfall and, behind that, the ubiquitous yelling of too many Narutos.

“Hey, want me to read this aloud to you?” Kakashi offered, waving his book. “I’m at one of the spicy parts.”

“Uh,” Yamato said, but Kakashi was already describing the intimate “battle” scene. He had a deadpan tone when reading and didn’t differentiate between character voices. It was kind of impressive how blandly he read through the subject matter.

“…tender sheath. She moaned his name—”

“Kakashi-senpai?” Yamato said quickly.

“Hm? Oh.” He heard Kakashi move, felt him dart past as he launched himself onto the bridge. He easily caught Naruto as he fell, all of his clones collapsing into smoke with a few fart-like squeaks. Yamato dropped his tingling arm and allowed himself a gasp of relief.

“Don’t wear that arm out, Tenzo,” Kakashi said, laying Naruto down on the couch under the tree. “This is practically our honeymoon at this point and I for one want my money’s worth.”

Yamato closed his eyes and sighed. “Not in front of the kid.”

“Yeah, I know, you told me.” Kakashi’s eye crinkled in shameless delight. “You’re being careful about carpal tunnel though, yes? Wouldn’t want your grip strength to be affected.”

Yamato raised his eyebrows. “It’s almost like you want to sleep on the floor tonight.”

“Buhhhhh,” Naruto said, drooling. He jerked himself awake after another second. “Did I do it?”

“No,” Kakashi said. “But you need a break. It’s nearly dinner time, so do you want to—”

“RAMEN,” Naruto yelled. Yamato winced at the volume.

“Yes,” Kakashi said calmly. “We can go for ramen.”

“And you’re paying, right, Kakashi-sensei?” Naruto said, bouncing to his feet as if he hadn’t spent over four hours running a Shadow Clone jutsu.

“Yes,” Yamato said, focusing his most intense stare at Kakashi, “you’re paying, right?”

Kakashi’s single eye was guileless. “Of course, of course!”

 

 

“Oh, fuck you,” Yamato growled to himself as he pulled out his wallet. Kakashi had dragged Naruto off a little too quickly with something important to say and, of course, he’d left Yamato to settle the bill.

“What was that?” Ichiraku asked. His normal smile faded into confusion.

“Not you, sorry,” Yamato said quickly. “Just, ah. Never mind. Naruto’s appetite certainly is healthy, isn’t it?”

“My best customer for the past ten years!” Ichiraku said, his proud smile returning. “Even with that three-year break when he was off training, no one even came close to consuming as much ramen as that boy! And now that he’s found a way to keep things ramen-y, well. He’s a smart kid. Knows what he likes.”

“I damn well believe it,” Yamato mumbled as he stacked bills on the counter. He hesitated for a moment, then sighed and dropped the last of his change on top of the stack—there was no reason not to leave a tip for the man and his daughter. “Thank you for the meal, it was delicious.”

“Always a pleasure,” Ichiraku said happily.

Yamato rose from his seat, moving a bit more stiffly than he would have liked. He tried to keep his gait natural but sitting cross-legged on the ground for 8 hours was starting to take its toll on his knees. Three days of this was asking a lot. He thumped up the stairs of his apartment building and unlocked the door with a finger (no need to worry about losing a key).

He settled into bed with a treatise on the First Hokage’s final battle against Uchiha Madara—they were always coming out with new perspectives and theories, even after so many years. Yamato was trying to puzzle out how Senju Hashirama had made a wooden war-statue that huge without passing out from chakra exhaustion when he heard a key in the lock. It took him an embarrassingly long second to remember that Kakashi was actually in the village at the same time as him and would be coming back to the apartment. Usually living with Kakashi was like having an apartment-sitter. Yamato was always out on ANBU missions or service projects that required his particular abilities, often for weeks at a time. Months if the journey was far. Kakashi was much the same way, gone for ages and back just long enough to get over chakra exhaustion before he would rush off somewhere else. It was the curse of being good at your job—you made more work for yourself. 

Unlike most shinobi, Kakashi didn’t stop taking as many missions once he hit his twenty-fifth birthday, though he admitted to Yamato that quitting ANBU had basically been like retiring and that the standard jonin mission requirements had been a cakewalk ever since. Usually a ninja looked forward to their twenty-fifth birthday with a fatigued desperation that bordered on fanaticism. After age twenty-five, mission and training requirements dropped significantly. The thinking was that if you’d gotten that far in the ninja way of life, you deserved a damn break. You could start dating and marrying and making new shinobi without the village having to cover for you if you died in the line of duty because odds were, if you’d survived that long, you weren’t going to die in the field so easily. 

Of course, people still found time for gratuitous, athletic sex _before_ they turned twenty-five. Yamato was managing. Whenever his and Kakashi’s schedules happened to overlap. Which wasn’t very often.

Actually, Yamato rarely saw him for more than a few days at a time even though they’d been living together for four years. It usually felt more like they sublet the apartment to each other with a few hasty, sweaty, bi-monthly transactions that were the sexual equivalent of switching out on a timeshare. It was fine by Yamato, who didn’t want to worry about all of his books being packed up if he vanished on an ANBU mission for a months and missed paying rent. It was apparently fine by Kakashi, too, since he’d proposed the arrangement.

 

______________________________

 

“I like my own space,” Kakashi had said with a shrug while Yamato—then Tenzo—stared at him blankly. They were wedged on the narrow mattress that everyone in the ANBU barracks suffered. Kakashi technically wasn’t supposed to know where this facility was, much less be able to break in, but 1) he’d lived here when he was ANBU and 2) he was Hatake fuckin’ Kakashi. So here he was, and he was saying, “Living at the chunin and jonin barracks is starting to get to me. Iruka keeps trying to get me to talk about Naruto and Naruto’s feelings and Naruto’s place on the team and how he’s interacting with Sasuke and blah blah blah. I deal with those kids all day, I gotta get away from them when I’m trying to sleep. And Guy _always_ knows where to find me for challenges. And Rin keeps breaking in and stealing my romance novels because she’s terrible. Plus, this way we can actually do it for more time than however long your roommate’s showers last.”

“ _Can_ we, though? Really?” Tenzo said. “I think you mean we _may_ do it for more than five minutes, if you would stop—”

After a brief, very careful scuffle where neither of them used any tactics more advanced than deadly-accurate tickles, Tenzo readjusted his faceplate and said, “Okay, it sounds logical. Let’s do it.”

“For more than five minutes?” Kakashi’s eye was alight with a hope so pure it had to be a joke.

“No, not _that_ ,” Tenzo said. “My roommate’s been standing outside the door too scared to knock for the past eight.”

“I’m very intimidating,” Kakashi said. His hair was sticking out even more than usual and his forehead protector was twisted so the knot was coming out the bridge of his nose like a poorly-placed black flower.

“Yes,” Tenzo said solemnly. “You are very intimidating.”

“Fuck off,” Kakashi said, “I know when you’re teasing me.”

“Yes, you do,” Tenzo said, keeping his expression as serious as possible. “How wise you are.” He considered making quip about how perceptive Kakashi was thanks to the Sharingan but Kakashi had gone quiet when Tenzo brought it up before. The Sharingan wasn’t a topic for jokes.

Kakashi straightened slowly, unfolding from where he’d been sprawled on top of Tenzo’s bed and Tenzo. He settled his forehead protector across his face correctly and drew himself up to his full height. His hair was still flattened in some places and a mussed in others but it gleamed pale in the light coming in through the window.

“Your dick’s still out,” Tenzo said, pointing helpfully.

Kakashi zipped his pants, flipped him off, and moved to perch of the window ledge. “I’ll let you know when you need to come sign papers,” he said, and then he was gone.

“Why do I even have a door?” Tenzo sighed to himself. He ignored the fact that Kakashi shouldn’t have even been in the room; the man just liked to show off the fact that he was a ninja by leaving via unconventional means.

From the other side of the aforementioned door came the pitiful voice of Tenzo’s long-suffering roommate. “…Can I come in?” 

“Yes,” Tenzo said, zipping his own pants and making sure all clean-up tissues had been disposed of in the wastepaper basket. “And you may not have to worry about asking in the near future.”

“Thank god,” the roommate said, stepping into the room dressed in only his towel. “I keep forgetting to bring clean underwear with me when I go shower so then I have to just carry it all back with me and it’s cold out there, let me tell you.”

Tenzo tugged his faceplate off and rolled to face the wall, dragging his blanket around him as he turned. “Uh-huh,” he grunted. Then he pulled the first trick a ninja learned in the field and fell asleep immediately.

 

______________________________

 

A co-signed lease and several years later, Kakashi poked his head around the door to the bedroom. “Yo, Tenzo.”

“See, I don’t know if you remember earlier today,” Yamato said, shutting his book on his finger to keep his place. “ _I_ remember, though. When I said you’d be sleeping on the floor?”

“That was with regard to handjob jokes, though,” Kakashi pointed out. “And I haven’t made one of those for, oh, must be a few hours now.”

“So you _do_ remember,” Yamato said. “I wonder if you remember a little more recently, when you made me pay for _an ocean of ramen_.”

“Tsukemen. Well, tsukemen for you and me, makeshift ramen for Naruto.” 

Yamato glared. “You’re sleeping on the floor.”

“Nooooo,” Kakashi whined. He gripped the doorframe in anguish.

“Yes,” Yamato said firmly. “I’m out of cash till the banks open on Monday and that’s your fault.”

“Shinobi banks should be open all the time,” Kakashi said. “It’s an unfair world we live in. Let me sleep in the bed.”

“No,” Yamato said. He was fighting a grin, though. And it was Kakashi. There was no easy way to keep him out of somewhere he wanted to be. Both of them knew this was a performance. Kakashi whined some more, sidling into the room by increments until he abruptly stopped whining and flopped forward. Somehow he managed to avoid spearing himself on Yamato’s knees while still landing mostly on top of him.

“Okay,” Yamato said into Kakashi’s hair. “You can sleep in the bed.”

“I’m not tired, Tenzo,” Kakashi said. There was deliberate purpose in his tone that did not escape Yamato’s notice. One of his hands walked its way up Yamato’s thigh, heading for his hip.

“I am,” Yamato said. Watching out for Naruto wasn’t the most exhausting thing he’d done in his career but it was draining. And he had to do it again tomorrow.

Kakashi sighed, heating up Yamato’s left armpit with his breath. “Some honeymoon.”

“Get off me,” Yamato said. He tried not to sound too fond. “You smell like dog.”

“The curse of being able to summon man’s best friend on a whim.” Kakashi rolled over, stretched his entire body in a luxurious tightening of muscles, and then went limp. Yamato picked up his book right where he’d left off. When he turned the light off twenty minutes later, Kakashi was still taking up two-thirds of the bed. His eye was closed and his breathing slow. He’d neglected to take off his jonin uniform—even his forehead protector and mask were still on—and he was sprawled on top of the sheets. 

Yamato peeked down at himself under the covers to double-check what he was wearing: grey sweatpants and a green shirt with the flame symbol of Konoha in red. The shirts were passed out at fundraisers and there were always certain sizes that were overstocked. Yamato knew for a fact that Naruto had one of the mediums. This one was XXL and the collar gaped, the sleeves falling to Yamato’s elbows. It was old and comfortable, though, and he and Kakashi usually traded it between themselves without much fuss. Yamato allowed himself to feel slightly smug about remembering the luxury of sleeping clothes. He wriggled down until he could pull the covers to his chin and then dropped into unconsciousness like a weight into water.

 

 

Yamato went through the signs of his house-building jutsu as quickly as most people could write their name. Actually, Yamato switched names whenever the mission called for it, so he was better at constructing houses than signing checks. He’d used this one a lot over the years, perfecting it from single-level cottages to the multi-tiered, multi-roomed inns that he couldn’t help but feel a bit smug about. They were getting better all the time, in his expert opinion. Furniture was a separate process that he didn’t bother to indulge in since they were on a mission today.

“No matter how many times I see it, that’s still an impressive technique, Captain Yamato,” Sakura said. She set her bag down and started unstrapping her fanny packs, claiming a corner of the room.

“Thank you,” Yamato said. He placed his own pack on the other side of the room. It was odd sharing a space with kids. They were older than Yamato had been when he’d started killing people for ANBU but they acted so _young_. Even Sai seemed young, though he came from ANBU. They all seemed unsure, perhaps that was it. Even Naruto, who went after a goal with a determination that had gotten him blindsided by dangerous details on more than one occasion, didn’t really know how to handle other human beings. It was strange and a little sweet to see them stumble through conversations with each other.

Yamato hadn’t been any better at their age, he had to admit this to himself. Hero-worshipping Kakashi wasn’t a flattering phase in his life. Nor were all the missions he undertook without asking enough questions. There were some missions that required deeper investigation. Kakashi had taught him that. It was possible to go through your ANBU career just following orders. It made you less of a person, though. Sai was working towards his humanity in strange starts and stops, picking up odd habits and dropping those that didn’t fit him. 

He walked in now and stared around the room. Yamato could practically see him calculating where to set up his blanket. Too close to Yamato might be weird, too close to Sakura would be weirder, in a corner was safe unless someone attacked the exterior walls—

Naruto launched himself at the patch of floor right next to Sakura. “Hey, hey Sakura, can I sleep here?” Crouched on his hands and knees, he looked like an overeager puppy.

Sakura glared at him. “Give me some space!” She pointed emphatically at a spot a yard away. “Over there’s fine.”

Naruto visibly drooped. “Yeah, okay.” He shuffled on his butt until he was farther off and then apparently forgot the whole exchange and started humming to himself as he unpacked his gear.

Sai nodded as if some calculation had been totaled in his mind, and sat down in the middle of the room. Equidistant from just about everyone.

Yamato gave them his blandest look. “Well, team, we should talk strategy before we—”

“Hey kids,” Kakashi said, sliding in the window. He raised a hand in greeting. “What’s up?”

“Kakashi-sensei, what’re you doing out here?” Naruto asked. “You were gone all week! Were you avoiding training me, huh?"

“I was just coming back when I heard Tenzo making this,” Kakashi said, waving at the walls around them. “Not very subtle.”

“Tenzo?” Naruto looked around, as if he’d misplaced a team member.

“It’s Yamato at the moment,” Yamato said.

“Oh dear, I forgot,” Kakashi said, clearly not giving a shit.

“Is your real name Tenzo?” Naruto asked, brow wrinkling in confusion.

“No,” Yamato said. To Kakashi he said, “Is there something you wanted?”

“Nah,” Kakashi drawled, digging in his vest. He pulled out one of his ubiquitous romance novels and flipped it open. “Just thought I’d stop by for the night and see how all of you were doing on your mission before I head back to Konoha.”

“I’m sure Lady Tsunade wants to hear your report as soon as possible, Hatake-san,” Sai said seriously.

Kakashi raised his eyebrow. “It’s nothing life-threatening. It can wait till the morning. The Hokage might actually want to sleep from time to time, ever think about that?”

Sai merely blinked.

“So it wasn’t an important mission, then?” Sakura cut in.

Kakashi shrugged and propped himself against the wall. “It wasn’t life-threatening,” he repeated. “You go ahead and talk to your team, Tenzo. Pretend I’m not even here.”

“All right,” Yamato said. “Gather ‘round. It should be a straightforward mission. Information retrieval. Any enemies we should try to scatter. It doesn’t matter if they see us seeing them; we’re trying to figure out who’s in the vicinity. Sai, you’ll be scouting from the air. Sakura, you’re with me and Naruto if we encounter hostiles but you’ll mainly back up Sai. Keep your eyes on him, all right?”

Everyone nodded.

“Any questions?”

Naruto raised his hand.

Yamato stared at him. “Uh, yes?”

Naruto lowered his hand. “What’s vicinity?”

Yamato reached into his fanny pack and tossed Naruto his pocket dictionary. “Look it up. Any other questions?”

Naruto raised a hand again. “What’re we looking for?”

“Did you not read—” Yamato stopped himself before he could ask; he could already tell that the answer was going to make him mad. “Ah. Have Sakura or Sai fill you in. If you can’t be bothered to read the mission brief, I can’t be bothered to tell you.”

“I can read it!” Naruto snapped.

“Barely,” Sakura murmured, turning away.

“I will read it to you, Naruto,” Sai said. Yamato eyed him. It was eerie how serious Sai sounded all the time. Yamato privately wondered if they were all being slowly wound up, or if Root had really done a number on him. It was disappointing that Yamato believe it was the latter.

“Any other questions?” Yamato asked, but they’d descended into bickering. He sighed and let them go.

Kakashi was laying with his head propped up on Yamato’s backpack. The novel he was reading, which Yamato could recognize from ten paces by the cover, hid most of his face. “You sound a bit grumpy, Tenzo. You need to relax.”

There was nothing in Kakashi’s tone of voice that was inherently suggestive but Yamato narrowed his eyes. “Really.”

Kakashi lowered the book a few centimeters and aimed his visible eye at Yamato. “Oh, absolutely. This isn’t a big deal mission like you’re used to, just a babysitting gig. No need to be so tense.”

Yamato glanced behind him. Sai was now in possession of Yamato’s dictionary and had apparently started reading at the beginning, not realizing that it wasn’t that kind of book. Naruto and Sakura were kicking at each other in a halfhearted way, one of the careful battles between friends who were trained to incapacitate rather than tease. It was hard to not hurt people when you focused your whole life on teaching your body to do just that. 

“Why are you here?” Yamato asked Kakashi quietly, since his team seemed occupied for the moment.

“Exactly I told Naruto,” Kakashi said, raising the book again. “Dropped by on my way back from a mission. Your chakra is damn loud, you should watch out for that.”

“I do watch out for it,” Yamato said.

“Hm.”

Yamato propped his hands on his hips and glared. “Go home,” he said.

“Nah,” Kakashi said. He turned a page.

“Why not?” Yamato said.

“Honeymoon ended too soon.”

“What are you—” Yamato swallowed the rest of the sentence. He made a few subtle hand gestures in ANBU sign code that amounted to _teammates in the room are unaware, keep it that way_.

“Oh, I know,” Kakashi said calmly. He hadn’t looked away from his book but of course he’d picked up the signs. Or maybe he’d noticed the temperature of the room lowering.

“Tonight should be uneventful,” Yamato said. He tried to project that this wasn’t a vague hope but an undeniable statement of what would—or would not—be happening in the future.

“Hm.”

Yamato gave up trying to reason with him. “Get off my kit.”

“Sure. Care to lift me?”

Yamato paused at that, tilted his head to the side. He ran an experienced eye over Kakashi. The signs should have been clearer. “So it wasn’t life-threatening, huh? How drained are you?”

“I’ll be fine in the morning. Rin probably won’t even yell at me. She likes yelling at me though, so—”

“Chakra exhaustion isn’t a good way to end a mission,” Yamato said quietly. “What if we hadn’t been here? We’re twelve hours from the village.”

“I’d have made it,” Kakashi said with a shrug. “This is easier, though. A ninja takes full advantage of the tools at his disposal.”

“You’re a tool,” Yamato said.

“Ouch,” Kakashi said, dropping a hand to his chest. He put on an expression of intense suffering. “You wound me, Tenzo.”

There was a silence behind them suddenly, a lull in the conversation. Yamato turned around to find them all staring. His stomach dropped. Sai had a brush poised to take notes on their interaction, his expression intensely focused. Sakura looked as if she had worked out a complex math problem only to find that the answer was the secret to life itself. Comfortingly, Naruto simply seemed like he was watching a decent game of checkers.

“Lights out in ten,” Yamato said.

“Where’s Kakashi sleeping?” Sakura said smugly. Yamato used every ounce of ANBU training he’d received not to wince at her tone. Of course the most well-adjusted member of the team would work it out. Kakashi wasn’t exactly subtle. Yamato could at least trust Sakura to be somewhat discreet, though—she was the smartest member of Team Seven and she knew what secrets to keep.

“He’s sleeping on the floor,” Naruto said. “Duh. We all are.”

“Yes,” Yamato said, silently thankful for obtuse teammates as well as observant ones. “So start setting yourselves up. Sai, may I have my dictionary back?”

“Yes, Captain Yamato,” Sai said, but his hand tightened on the fat little book. “Um.”

“Yes, Sai?”

“May I borrow it? There are many unusual concepts I have never seen defined before, and—”

“Fine, just don’t stay up all night reading it,” Yamato said. “Lights out in eight now.”

“Gotta pee!” Naruto yelled, and sprinted out of the room.

“We didn’t need to know that,” Sakura grumbled.

“Does he know you don’t make these houses with working plumbing?” Kakashi said, raising his book into his sightline again.

“Oh dear god,” Yamato said, and ran after him. “Naruto!”

He barely made it in time. Before he was able to inform Naruto that he needed to do his business outdoors, he had to reassure Naruto that he wasn’t spying on Naruto’s dick size at the behest of Sai. After that it was a matter of sealing up the bathroom he’d absentmindedly constructed (building houses for dispossessed civilians had changed the way he thought about what was necessary for survival) before he returned to hold everyone to his ‘lights out in x amount of minutes’ standard.

Yamato solved the problem of how to keep Kakashi’s chakra exhaustion a secret by yanking his pack from under Kakashi’s head and moving himself to another corner of the room. Kakashi made a show of being extremely offended and Yamato sighed and gave up his blanket for the cause of shutting Kakashi up. 

“I’ll take first watch,” he said.

Sakura looked between him and Kakashi. “I don’t have any earplugs,” she said with a smirk.

Once again, Yamato had to work very hard to give nothing away in his expression. “You shouldn’t be wearing ear plugs, we’re on a mission.” 

Sakura’s expression twisted into something that conveyed, “Really, you’re gonna play innocent about that?” but she didn’t say anything else.

Naruto looked thoroughly confused. “Uhhhh, do you normally wear ear plugs to sleep, Sakura?”

“Good night, Naruto,” she said, and she lay down under her blanket.

“Night, Sakura!” he said happily. It still didn’t take much to divert him, Yamato was pleased to see.

“Good night, Naruto,” Sai piped up from his space in the center of the room.

“Ehhhh? Um, night!” Naruto said.

“Good night, Sakura,” Sai continued.

“Good night, Sai.”

“Good night, Capt—”

“Oh my god, go to sleep already,” Kakashi said. “This isn’t a damn sound-off.”

Yamato doused the light and moved to the window, swinging himself out and onto the roof of his inn. He settled down comfortably in the shadow of one of the decorative cornices he’d added into the design for moments such as these. There was probably no need to have a watch rotation set up since they weren’t hiding from enemies but any excuse to get that smug, knowing grin off Sakura’s face was a decent reason to have a watch. If he felt more charitable about it in a few hours, he might let them off the hook and let everyone sleep through the night.

So, Sakura knew. Kakashi didn’t care what people thought but Yamato didn’t want village gossip complicating his job. Kakashi was embarrassingly public with all his weird habits. He’d mellowed out a lot in the time Yamato had known him. Going jonin-sensei had suited him. But Yamato still had to be an ANBU machine, and coming to people’s attention as the guy who was shacked up with Hatake Kakashi would make being ANBU way harder. Yamato was good at what he did. He neither loved nor hated it. His tasks were never boring, which was nice. He often had to kill people and follow shadowy orders, which was not nice. Yamato had chosen this life, though, and somehow Kakashi had ended up in it as well, and that was good enough for him.

 

______________________________

 

Kakashi had once been nothing but a terrifying rumor. Yamato was a weapon sometimes called Kinoe, more often nameless. He was hopelessly cloistered in ANBU and even he managed to hear whispers about how coldhearted the guy was. When the assassins in ANBU labelled a ninja ‘excessively violent,’ that was something to take notice of. 

Kinoe’s first impression of Kakashi had thus already been bad, and then he’d thought Kakashi was an intruder and he’d tried to smash him with an arm-grown forest. Wood jutsu was his go-to back in those days, before he could fully understand the need to keep his skill a secret when he was behind the ANBU mask. It was as instinctive as breathing, to press out beyond his squishy human form and transform into something solid but still alive and deadly. It made him obvious when he should have blended with the other ANBU, become part of the crowd and stayed a secret. Kakashi had his stupidly flashy chidori that he waved around like a shrieking LOOK AT ME sign, though, so they were both a bit too reliant on fancy ninjutsu to truly fit in with ANBU.

Kinoe hadn’t expected Kakashi to be so _short_. Kakashi had been a scrawny fifteen at the time, already slumping. It was from the weight of the world in those days, not from lazy relaxation. He had been taller than Kinoe but it was still strange to see someone so close in height. Kinoe was usually the youngest person in the room, ten years old and blindly loyal because he didn’t know the right questions to ask. But Kakashi didn’t kill him when he had the chance, and he mentioned that Kinoe’s jutsu would be an asset to the village. So Kinoe sort of… Okay, he stalked the guy. He wanted to know what was up with the only other person in ANBU who knew where Kinoe came from. 

Only two people talked to him. A kid with a bowl-cut and a jumpsuit who leapt around him like an eager puppy, and a soft-eyed girl with brown hair like Kinoe’s and purple clan tattoos on her face. The girl seemed more useful than the boy; she showed up with healing hands and really bad take-out food every time Kakashi had a bad mission. The boy just jumped out at him yelling about eternal rivalry all the time. But both of them were always ‘talking to,’ not ‘talking with.’ Kakashi was silent or monosyllabic and both of his friends were often left behind, looking after him with identical expressions of worry. Kakashi didn’t see them. Kinoe did.

It was probably creepy to know that Kakashi seemed to have the same kind of nightmares Kinoe did, the kind that lingered after wakefulness and broke into everyday activities. Kakashi had people who wanted to be around him but he was caught up in those nightmares all the time. Kinoe watched him shuffle around the Hidden Leaf, lurking like a ghost until he had another mission. When their missions intersected again, Kinoe had to save Kakashi’s ass from the Iburi Clan. It was an instinct he didn’t question; Kakashi was worth protecting. It should have been a red flag that ANBU’s brainwashing to eliminate emotions didn’t work so well.

Then Kakashi actually talked to him for more than a minute and that was it. Intense, solemn speeches about loyalty and protection were enough to turn any adolescent ninja’s head.

 

______________________________

 

Up on the roof he’d made mere hours ago, Yamato permitted himself a small sigh of frustration. It was ridiculous to still idolize someone you lived with and plowed on a semi-monthly basis (schedules permitting). Kakashi was just so damn competent. It was hero worship that wouldn’t go away, no matter how many times Yamato found Kakashi asleep in a sunbeam with porn covering his face. Kakashi didn’t even try to keep up an image of an ideal ninja anymore; he’d apparently decided that being happy was worth more to him than looking cool. And for that, Yamato still quietly thought he was the best ninja Konoha had ever turned out.

 

______________________________

 

After that business with the Iburi Clan, Kinoe suddenly had new public service missions to complete. Quietly, he suspected that Kakashi had said something to the Hokage to get Kinoe out of ANBU every now and then. There was no evidence to support this theory apart from the timing but Kinoe was blissfully grateful anyways. He didn’t have to wear a mask outdoors all the time! People gave him cookies and said thank you! They smiled at him! And he got to build houses and repair forests and practice building bridges! Danzo seemed mad about the whole thing but the Hokage himself had asked Kinoe if he wanted to do it and Kinoe had been enthusiastic, so Danzo just grumbled whenever Kinoe got called away to build things. 

Another bonus to these new missions was that Kakashi would see Kinoe out and about and he’d call out a casual, “Yo, Tenzo,” as if they had gotten to know each other through conventional channels. He’d stop and chat sometimes. For some reason, the most consistent, adept, versatile ninja since the Fourth Hokage had decided to hang around Kinoe. And Kinoe couldn’t object because, well. It was Hatake fuckin’ Kakashi. Hero worship turned into bewilderment when he saw how leaving ANBU had mellowed Kakashi out, and while Kinoe still held on to an overwhelming respect for Kakashi’s tactics, he decided that most of what he felt was nervous affection. 

Kakashi still hadn’t accepted any genin to teach. Kakashi had built a reputation for his gelid attacks in ANBU and now he built one for ruthless perfectionism in his new team tests. But he teased Kinoe—Tenzo—effortlessly and started reading erotic novels in public and generally picked up as many embarrassing habits as he could in a short span of time.

Tenzo loved seeing this all unfold. It was like Kakashi was going through a rebellious phase at the same time as Tenzo. While Kakashi read _Makeout Paradise_ without hiding the cover, though, Tenzo was quietly getting sick of a lot of ANBU restrictions. Mission rules made sense because they kept ninjas alive, but standard living protocol seemed designed to keep people from living. Kakashi was a shining example of living to the contrary of the ascetic ninja way. Tenzo wanted in on that life.

 

______________________________

 

Yamato opened his eyes and was instantly awake. He was sitting propped against the wall, his head lolling against the neck cushions of his jonin flak vest. His toes felt strangely warm when the rest of him was feeling the early morning chill. Looking down, Yamato realized that some time after he’d returned from keeping watch and settled down sleep, Kakashi had decided to drag himself over and sleep on Yamato’s feet. Yamato suppressed a smile.

As he scanned the rest of the room, he found Sakura smirking at him over her nearly-packed gear. “Comfy, Captain Yamato?” she asked.

“I see you’ve noticed,” Yamato said. 

Sakura’s smirk grew wider. 

Naruto was still out cold and Sai was nowhere to be seen. This was as good a time as any. Yamato pulled out a somewhat intimidating face—not his scariest, but scary enough. “I trust you to keep it quiet when we’re back in Konoha and I’m sure that you won’t allow this new knowledge to affect how you choose act and react in missions.”

Sakura’s smirk vanished. “Of course not, Captain Yamato.”

“Good,” he said.

She looked back at her bag and stacked a few more kunai. “Uh. Can I ask you something?”

“Yes.” Yamato untangled his feet from Kakashi.

“Have you, um. Seen his face?”

Sakura wasn’t looking at him and her tone was offhand, which meant this was probably a big deal kind of question. Yamato considered how to answer. He glanced down long enough to see that Kakashi was staring at him intensely with his single visible eye, slowly shaking his head _no_.

“No,” Yamato said.

Sakura turned to stare at him. “What? Seriously? How long have you—”

“Sakura, can you find Sai?” Yamato interrupted her.

Her eyes narrowed but all she said was “Yeah, no problem Captain.”

“I’ll be collapsing this space soon and Kakashi-senpai should be departing for Konoha shortly. We’ll eat on the road. I’ll deal with Naruto.”

Sakura nodded, straightening her shoulders. “Yes, Captain.” She hooked her fanny packs on, hoisted her backpack, and blurred out of sight. Back to professionalism. Good.

Yamato kicked Kakashi a little harder than necessary. “Get out of here. You have a mission to complete.”

“I’m going to use the bathroom first,” Kakashi said calmly. “If that’s all right with you, I mean.”

Yamato got a flash of memory about knocking Naruto away from the nonfunctional toilet last night. “Goddammit,” he sighed.

“It was funny,” Kakashi said. “You flipped out.” He rose smoothly enough, but Yamato noticed that he put a hand against the wall as he walked to the window and launched himself away. Still not completely back to normal chakra levels, but he’d make it to the Hidden Leaf all right.

“Why do I still make doors when no one uses them?” Yamato said to himself. He administered a kick to Naruto that was slightly softer than the one he’d given Kakashi. “Get up, Naruto. We’re moving out in ten whenever Sakura gets back with Sai.”

Naruto groaned but managed to sit up. “Yeah, okay. Gimmie a. Gimmie a minute.” He yawned enormously.

“Don’t use the bathroom in here,” Yamato reminded him, and went to help Sakura look for Sai.

 

______________________________

 

It had been Tenzo who started the whole thing when he was probably seventeen or eighteen (Orochimaru’s records contained the birthdates of his specimens but they’d been sealed away with all his terrifying experimental data). He and Kakashi had run into each other doing separate reports at the Hokage’s office and they had walked out together out of convenience. The streets were dark and still with early-morning gloom. Their tired banter had lulled to calm silence and Yamato knew if he didn’t do anything now he’d regret it. So he’d taken Kakashi’s hand. And the silence had been strange and very…charged for the rest of that walk. But neither of them let go, so that was fine. Tenzo nodded politely to Kakashi once they’d reached the spot where they usually parted ways, and he’d gone back to the barracks and stared at the wall for a few hours because dealing with emotions ANBU had tried to train out of you was difficult.

When Tenzo returned from a mission a few weeks later, Kakashi showed up in his room and scared the shit out of Tenzo’s roommate. The guy never got over that first impression of Kakashi suddenly _appearing_ and saying, “Get lost for a few minutes, I gotta talk to Tenzo.” 

Kakashi stood in the shadow beside Tenzo’s window for a while. Tenzo kept his face carefully neutral.

“Can I help you, senpai?” Tenzo had finally said.

“You sure you want to go down this road?” Kakashi asked. He sounded bored. Maybe he’d had this conversation before. Maybe he was trying to be off-putting. There was really only one answer Tenzo could honestly give, though.

“Yes,” Tenzo said.

“Really sure?” Kakashi’s tone was a bit sharper.

“Yes.”

“Like you’ve thought about it?” Kakashi said, exasperated. “You realize I’m not just some dashing, sexy jonin who waltzes off on missions and comes back artfully beat up, right? I have my own shit to deal with.”

Tenzo paused long enough to wonder if Kakashi believed everyone thought of future relationships in terms of romance novels. “Yes, I would like to know you more. If that’s all right.”

Kakashi scratched at the scar hidden under his forehead protector but didn’t lift it. “Okay. How far do you want to go?”

Tenzo shrugged. “As far as you’ll let me.”

“Woah-ho-ho,” Kakashi said. “Have you been reading my _Makeout Paradise_?”

The mood broke. Tenzo had to smooth away a grin with his hand because even ANBU training couldn’t keep it back. “Certainly not.”

“I’m not surprised,” Kakashi said with satisfaction. “Though I guess you did surprise me; I thought you’d be even more of a prude.” Kakashi took a few steps forward, drifting across the dark window and moving well within Tenzo’s personal safety bubble. He bent forward until they were nearly nose to nose. Tenzo looked him in the eye and found it crinkled with a grin. “I guess I get to find out how uptight you actually are, huh?”

“Mask on or off?” Tenzo said.

Kakashi blinked, then leaned back a few inches. “You got a preference? Some liked the mystery. I’ve done it either way.”

Tenzo reached up immediately and yanked the black fabric down and brushed their lips together. He felt noses digging into cheeks on both sides of the equation, and both of them made noises of surprise. It started out warm (of course it was warm, Kakashi wore a mask all the time), close-mouthed, and dry. It escalated quickly. 

Tenzo’s roommate had to wait almost a quarter of an hour before he was permitted back inside. He was let in by a fairly disheveled Tenzo who didn’t answer any of his questions and also looked like he’d gotten a concussion from the legendary Copy Ninja. Kakashi himself was nowhere to be seen.

“Holy shit, what did you do to piss off Sharingan Kakashi?” the roommate asked. “Did he try to strangle you?”

“What?” Tenzo said, dazed. “Did he what?”

His roommate gestured to Tenzo’s bruise-covered throat. “Or… Was he punching you in the neck for some reason?”

Tenzo started wearing his neck protector extra high, all the way to his chin.

 

______________________________

 

Yamato's entire team standing outside the inn with Kakashi when he dropped back into the clearing. He was about to ask where they had all been but stopped to take in the tableau. Sakura was bright red and looking carefully at the sky. Naruto and Sai were inspecting something small, both wearing expressions of confusion. Kakashi was giggling.

“What happened,” Yamato said immediately.

“Ah, Yamato!” Naruto yelled. He waved something small in the air too fast for Yamato to see it. “We found this and Sai’s gonna look it up in your book thingy!”

“It’s just a book,” Yamato said. “A dictionary, actually. Where did you find it?”

“I was looking through Kakashi-sensei’s stuff for snacks,” Naruto said. 

Yamato raised his eyebrows at that but Naruto didn’t even seem to realize that this had crossed a boundary. “Okay,” he said. “What is it?”

“Kakashi-sensei said it was a condom,” Naruto said.

Yamato’s eyebrows were already raised to their limit so his expression didn’t change much. “Ah.”

“Here,” Sai said, halting his search through the dictionary. “‘Condom. Noun. Used to prevent the transmission of bodily fluids during sexual intercourse. Can be used to avoid contracting STDs or to avoid pregnancy. The condom is worn over the penis during intercourse.”

Yamato regretted letting Sai have that dictionary.

“What, like a coat?” Naruto laughed. “That’s so weird! Iruka-sensei mentioned those before but he said I shouldn’t even be worrying about stuff like that. Does this mean you’re having sex, Kakashi-sensei? Do you have a girlfriend? Why would you bring these on a mission? Can I try one on?”

“Naruto,” Sakura said through gritted teeth. “Leave it.”

“I only have so many of those,” Kakashi said, swiping the little foil packet back. “You can buy your own at a corner store, they’re pretty cheap if you get the right brand. They have directions on the box, too. And Iruka-sensei said you could bother him with shit like that, so don’t expect me to explain all the gruesome details.”

“But who’s your girlfriend, Kakashi-sensei?” Naruto asked. “You’re weird and gross, who’d have sex with you?”

“Doesn’t pay to kiss and tell when the person you’re telling on is capable of murdering you,” Kakashi said calmly. “A bit of free advice there, if you’re gonna date ninjas.”

Naruto’s face folded into the utterly baffled look he frequently wore. “Huh?”

“We’re moving out,” Yamato said. “Kakashi-senpai has other places to be. Is everything packed up?”

Kakashi tucked the condom back into his backpack. “Indeed, Tenzo,” he said, zipping the pocket shut with a flourish.

Yamato collapsed the inn jutsu with perhaps more force than necessary. “Good luck getting back, Kakashi-senpai. Naruto, Sakura, Sai—fall into formation.”

“See you at home,” Kakashi said cheerfully. “Good luck!” 

Yamato very deliberately did not look back as he sprang into the trees. 

 

______________________________

 

Yamato came home after the debrief with Lady Tsunade to find an apartment that was empty apart from Bull, the largest dog Kakashi could summon from the pack.

“Hello, Bull,” Yamato sighed. He knew what the dog’s presence meant; Kakashi wouldn’t be returning for a while.

The dog blinked at him with sleepy eyes but didn’t speak. Bull was the least-talkative dog in the pack. Yamato had heard him say a few words every now and then, but he was either painfully shy or he trusted everyone else in his pack to carry the conversation for him.

Now, Bull followed Yamato out to the store for groceries. He took one of the bags in his mouth when Yamato held it out to him. His tail wagged a few times when he smelled the dog food in it, and he let out a huff of pleasure when Yamato scratched the top of his head. As Yamato cooked himself a dinner for one, Bull lurked around the edges of the tiny kitchen. Every now and then the dog would flop down with a deep sigh and spend a few moments being completely still. Then he’d stand up and wander to a new spot and repeat the procedure.

Yamato poured out a mixing bowl of kibble and slid down to sit on the floor beside the dog. They ate together in relative silence. Bull’s huge jaws worked at a pace as constant as a metronome. Yamato stared at the opposite wall as he chewed, pausing every now and then to reach out and rub a hand over Bull’s back.

Yamato’s plate had been empty for a while when he finally spoke up. “Did he say how long?”

“More’n a week,” Bull said.

“Any other message?”

Bull lay down and plopped his huge head into Yamato’s lap. “Nope.” 

Yamato set his plate and utensils aside and started scraping his hands through Bull’s fur. “Typical.”

Bull huffed a questioning sound.

“He dropped by my last mission,” Yamato admitted after a moment. “I don’t know why. He’s never done it before. I assume it was to antagonize me. I make it too easy for him.” Yamato winced as he remembered the condom in Naruto’s hand, Sai’s clinical description. “He’s never had a problem being discreet before. I don’t believe in coincidences when it comes to him but figuring out his angle on things is next to impossible.”

Bull let out a few content noises as Yamato gave him a thorough bellyrub. As the streetlights flicked on, the dog heaved himself to his feet and padded into the bedroom.

“You’re not allowed on the bed,” Yamato called after him. He gathered up the dishes and washed everything, dried them, put them away in their places. When he walked into the bedroom he found Bull curled up on the floor by Yamato’s side of the bed, eyes mournful and posture stiff with cold and loneliness.

“Kakashi’s will is weaker than mine when it comes to sad looks,” Yamato said. “No dogs on the furniture and all of you know it.”

Bull relaxed with a disappointed huff. 

Yamato remembered to change into pajamas before he got under the sheets. He led a hand hang down to rest on Bull’s shoulder.

“How long are you summoned for?” Yamato asked. 

He felt the dog shrug. “Boss said I could stay till he’s back.”

Because it was dark and no one could see, Yamato smiled. And because Bull wouldn’t tell anyone, he said, “He’s secretly nice.”

The dog grumbled in what could have been agreement, but it was more likely gas.

 

 

Two days later, Yamato remembered why it was a bad idea to always have a dog around the house. He was on rebuilding duty since Naruto was in town and either he or Kakashi had to be here for backup on the Nine-Tails Jinchuriki. Bull watched Yamato leave every morning with huge, wobbly eyes, and Yamato was quietly pleased that the apartment didn’t contain a lot of things to destroy in it because Bull apparently thought it was acceptable to climb on things and knock them over now that he didn’t have a mission beyond “Keep Tenzo company because he has trust issues when it comes to human beings who aren’t Kakashi and therefore has no close friends.” 

Yamato had to grow the coffee table into the floor to keep Bull from flipping it over constantly.

 

 

Still stuck in Konoha, Yamato strengthened support beams and nudged balconies back into alignment. He took Bull for walks that turned into rooftop runs and sprints around the forest because neither of them was suited to leisurely strolls. The best part of having a ninja dog was that he could bury his own shit so Yamato didn’t have to deal with it.

One one of those walks around the city Yamato spotted Naruto talking excitedly with a man who had a thin scar across his nose. There were a lot of hand gestures involved. Yamato was frankly surprised that he couldn’t hear any of what was going on, considering how Naruto’s voice usually carried. The scarred man had the glassy smile of someone who’d been listening to Naruto talk for a long time. Yamato glanced down and saw Bull watching the two of them as well.

“Can you hear what they’re saying?” he asked.

Bull huffed. “Hokage talk.”

“Ah,” Yamato said with a smile. “Of course.”

“Rin,” Bull said unexpectedly. His deep, slow voice sounded pleased.

“What?” Yamato followed his gaze and saw Kakashi’s old teammate, Nohara Rin, approaching with a grin was so wide it was stretching her clan tattoos out of alignment.

“Hey, Tenzo!” she called, waving.

“It’s actually Yamato at the moment,” he said, because it was odd to hear that name out of her mouth. Then he wondered where she’d heard it before. From Kakashi?

She landed lightly in front of him, heels clicking on the roof tile. “All right, Yamato.” She squatted down and caught Bull’s head in her arms. Apparently all the slobber wasn’t a deterrent because she started making high-pitched cooing noises into the top of his head. “Whosagoodboy, it’s yoooou! Big boy Bull!”

“Um,” Yamato said.

“What? You thought I wouldn’t recognize him without the little cape thing?” Rin said. Bull’s stump of a tail was wagging happily.

Yamato shrugged. It certainly made it less obvious that this was Kakashi’s dog if he wasn’t in the uniform. No one else had noticed. It made sense that Kakashi’s friend would know Bull by sight, though.

“You taking good care of him?” she said, scratching under Bull’s chin.

Yamato opened his mouth to answer.

“Yeah,” Bull said. “Boss’s orders.”

“You _are_ a good boy!” Rin said, and Bull huffed happily. Rin straightened up, dusted off the worst of the dog hair, and smiled at Yamato. “I’ll see you around, Yamato. Tell Kakashi to come by next time he’s not experiencing a medical emergency, I haven’t seen him fully-conscious in months. And now I _definitely_ have something to talk about with him.” She looked as smug as Sakura.

“I will,” Yamato said. Rin winked at him. He watched her take a running start and then leap gracefully to the next rooftop, skirt flapping. He looked down at Bull. “Does Kakashi tell people about me?”

“Boss trusts her,” Bull said. His tail was still wagging as he watched Rin vanish behind a spire.

“Huh,” Yamato said. “Well. All right.” They moved on with their walk.

 

 

Sakura dropped by after a week of this unexpected down-time. Yamato answered the door cautiously but she just looked at Bull talking up most of the kitchen floor behind him, smirked at Yamato, and explained, “I asked the hospital where Kakashi gets released after they patch him up.”

“Can I help you?” Yamato said coldly.

Her smirk faded. “Uh, I was hoping you would talk to Naruto, actually.”

“Why?”

“It’s getting kind of weird,” she said.

“What is?”

She winced. “Naruto and Sai have teamed up to figure out sex.”

Yamato’s brain actually shut down in a way he hadn’t experienced since specific tortures during his childhood. “… I see.”

“At first it was just Naruto who’d come in and ask me and then get really red and quiet and leave before I could say anything, which is starting to piss Rin-sensei off, but then—” 

“Iruka-sensei,” Yamato managed.

“What?”

“I heard, ah. Kakashi-senpai mentioned that someone named Iruka-sensei was Naruto’s mother. I assume it’s some kind of adoptive arrangement, but—”

Sakura let out a strange coughing snort. “Oh. Well, Naruto’s been talking to Iruka-sensei and I think that’s going all right, but Sai isn’t. And Naruto doesn’t want to share Iruka-sensei, even though he’d be pretty good at this kind of thing. I mean, he socialized Naruto, after all. But then I remembered that you were ANBU so you know what Sai’s been through—”

“You want me to discuss sex with Sai.”

She sighed with relief. “Yes!”

“No.” He started shutting the door.

Her fingers closed around the edge of the wood hard enough to crack it. “Captain Yamato, I need you to do this.”

“This isn’t my job,” Yamato said. “This is as far from my job as it’s possible to get.”

“You gave Sai that dictionary, you’re the one who’s… I dunno, boyfriends with Kakashi-sensei—”

Yamato wasn’t sure what expression he made but Sakura had to stop and laugh at him for a minute. He tried shutting the door while she was distracted but her chakra control was absolute. Her arm didn’t budge. He could have sprouted the door to push her away but things would probably escalate from there. Yamato didn’t want to lose the security deposit or the trust of the landlady.

“Sorry,” she gasped. “It’s just, oh my god, you looked— Anyway. Sorry. Talk to Sai though?” Her eyes were pleading.

Yamato sighed deeply. “I’ll talk to him.”

“Thank you, Captain,” she said. “When should I send Sai over?”

“Tomorrow after six in the evening,” Yamato said. “I have work to do.”

Sakura nodded slowly. “All right.” She removed her hand from the door. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he said.

 

______________________________

 

They’d moved in together with zero fuss. Tenzo owned nothing and Kakashi owned nothing except a lot of erotic novels. 

It took three days for Tenzo to realize that he didn’t have to sleep on the floor but could, in fact, buy a bed. He hadn’t realized beds came in different sizes and he stared at all of them very seriously. Kakashi was on a mission so it was Yamato’s job to figure this out.

“The biggest,” he said eventually.

The saleswoman’s eyebrows rose. “Uh, really? So is this for just you, or…?”

“Yes,” Tenzo said. Kakashi wouldn’t be back for another month, after all.

“A full sized mattress might do, then?” she suggested.

Tenzo looked where she was pointing. “No,” he said. “Bigger than that.”

“Mobile sleeper, huh?” she said.

He stared at her, then nodded. She kept saying words that were real words but putting them in an order that didn’t make sense to him. He didn’t know what she meant when she mentioned back support. As Tenzo looked at pillows she asked if he was a side-sleeper and it took him a long moment to figure out what that could be, and then he had no idea how to respond. Tenzo could fall asleep in absolutely any position. He’d slept standing up before. He’d spent the first years of his life floating in a tube filled with green liquid and sometimes still woke up trying to figure out how his lungs worked now that he was out. Eventually he just nodded any time she asked him a yes or no question and went home with a mattress that could feasibly accommodate two and a set of pillows for side-sleepers. It was satisfactory.

Tenzo took up cooking. It went poorly but he could track his progress as he figured out how to make rice in a pot (he ruined two pots perfecting the technique), how to make three different kinds of egg dishes, how to sauté things, how to cook noodles (another pot bit the dust), how to make tea that wasn’t gag-inducing. He managed to get pretty good despite how often he was sent on missions. The fact that Tenzo was occasionally given ‘missions’ involving local construction or rebuilding meant he was in the Hidden Leaf more than he’d ever been with ANBU. Tenzo started collecting some books of his own, all of them with much more tame subject matter than Kakashi’s novels. He worked on creating wooden things that were decorative instead of just deadly and thought for a moment about cultivating some kind of windowsill garden before remembering that he was never around often enough to encourage it to grow.

Kakashi came back from his mission a full week late. Tenzo hadn’t been worried—it was Hatake fuckin’ Kakashi—but he also hadn’t expected his arrival. 

Tenzo surfaced from dreams where it was very green and dark and cold and quiet and he was watching other children die in front of him. His breath hitched, stuttering desperately as he tried to remember how air worked. Someone was in the room with him and he was reaching out with wooden tentacles before he was even fully conscious. There was a grunt, then a bright burst of light and screaming chakra and Tenzo felt parts of his jutsu tearing away but the room was spinning, why couldn’t he remember how to breathe—

Someone touched his shoulder. He winced away from it but the touch followed him and he sucked in a breath that felt so dry it might burn his lungs. Then physical instinct kicked in and Tenzo could breathe again. He gasped.

“Holy shit, Tenzo,” Kakashi said. “You okay?”

Tenzo wiped at his face. His hands were shaky and slow. He felt clammy and too warm but already his heartbeat and breathing were returning to normal. “Yeah. Sorry, Kakashi-senpai.” 

“What was _that_?”

“Nightmare. Old nightmare.”

“Ah. Yeah. I know about those.”

Tenzo nodded. “I know.”

He felt it when Kakashi took his hand off Tenzo’s arm. “What?”

Tenzo blinked the sleep sheen from his eyes. He had said something wrong. “What?”

“How do you know I have nightmares?”

Tenzo blinked again, trying to come up with a reason that wasn’t ‘I used to stalk you.’ It only took him a second to say, “Everyone has them. We’re shinobi.”

Kakashi’s eye narrowed. Tenzo realized that Kakashi had a bandage over the Sharingan instead of just his forehead protector. His jonin vest was unzipped and would have to be thrown out, it was so tattered. He smelled like stale sweat and dogs and blood. The arm he used for chidori was bruised, as if someone had tried to break it with their bare hands.

“What happened?” Tenzo asked, reaching out.

“I’m fine,” Kakashi said. He leaned away and Tenzo let his arm drop.

“Sorry,” Tenzo said again.

Kakashi coughed a bit. His gaze slid away. “I never had to deal with someone else’s dreams before.”

“You still haven’t,” Tenzo pointed out drily.

Kakashi rolled his eye and huffed out a laugh. “Yeah? What’s your nightmare-cure?”

“I don’t have one,” Tenzo said. “What’s yours?”

Kakashi’s gaze drifted into the middle distance for a moment. “I wash my face.” He snapped back to Tenzo and his eye crinkled up wickedly. “Wanna break in the tub?”

Whatever tension had been between them vanished. Tenzo smirked. “What time is it?”

“Does it matter?” Kakashi asked. He paused, a finger hooked over the edge of his mask, almost pulling it down. The splay of his fingers was distracting.

Tenzo considered their neighbors for half a second. “No, it doesn’t matter.” He snagged Kakashi’s hand and dragged them both towards the bathroom.

 

______________________________

 

Sai showed up with Naruto. Yamato almost didn’t open the door when he heard Naruto coming up the stairs, singing some song about ramen at the top of his lungs. But Sai rapped politely and Naruto yelled, “Hey, we know you’re in there!” and he’d promised Sakura, so he let them in.

Bull had been kicked out for the evening. Yamato didn’t want the boys drawing conclusions based on him having one of Kakashi’s dogs in the house. It was a logical reason not to keep Bull around but privately Yamato wished the dog was present, if only as some kind of distraction for the kids.

“Tea?” he offered.

Naruto was looking around with his mouth open. He didn’t look surprised or impressed, but instead looked as though he simply hadn’t realized that it was customary to close your mouth. He wordlessly shook his head.

“Certainly,” Sai said.

“Green?” Yamato said.

“That’s fine, yes.”

“Naruto, don’t drool on the floor,” Yamato said.

Naruto’s jaw snapped shut. “Uh, right.”

“Sakura said you wished to speak with me, Sai,” Yamato said. He turned on the burner under the already-full kettle and dug for tea bags.

“That is correct,” Sai said.

Yamato glanced back to check on Naruto, whose mouth had dropped open again. “So what’re you doing here, Naruto?”

Naruto whipped around. “Oh! Sai asked me.”

“I feel your words would be of value to both of us,” Sai said solemnly. He had seated himself at the coffee table, knees together and feet neatly tucked under his rear. Seeing him out of his midriff-baring mission gear was slightly disconcerting. Yamato wondered if Naruto had let Sai borrow some of his shirts, they fit him so badly.

“I don’t know why you think that,” Yamato said, “but I’ll answer any questions as best I can.”

Sai pulled out his notebook and Yamato allowed himself to close his eyes and breathe deeply before the interrogation got underway. 

“Regarding condoms,” Sai began.

“Can I use your bathroom?” Naruto interrupted.

Yamato waved him down the hall. “Sai, did you know there are medics who give demonstrations of safe sex procedures at the hospital every Thursday night?”

Sai made a note. “I was unaware. That may prove useful in the future.”

“It’s also frowned upon to become preoccupied with things like this before you turn twenty-five,” Yamato added. “You can do what you like, of course. And I noticed you already had some kind of… fixation before.”

“Fixation?”

“Or were you talking about Naruto’s genitals just to mess with him?” Yamato asked.

Sai pulled out one of his enigmatic smiles. “Oh. That.”

“Have you noticed a preference for a certain gender?” Yamato asked.

Sai shrugged. “I am not always completely clear on my emotions.”

“Yes,” Yamato said quietly. “I can understand that.”

Sai’s smile vanished. He looked quite a bit older than his teens suddenly. “ANBU was… Well.”

“Yes,” Yamato said again. “I understand. But if there are certain people you like to be around, you can start to think about why you like to be around them. You can reflect on the nature of your relationship with them, whether you feel protective towards them or interested in their life or, ah, inspired by them. You can decided if you want to begin a relationship to be around them more. Or maybe you just want to fuck someone.”

Sai twitched. His brush spattered a few drops of ink onto the table. “Oh.”

“Too direct?” Yamato said.

“Ah. I haven’t. Hm.”

“It’s perfectly fine to just want to be around people without wanting to initiate a more physical component of your relationship,” Yamato said. “Excuse me a moment, the water’s boiling.”  
He peered down the hallway but all he saw was the closed door of the bathroom. The silence was disquieting. Who knew what Naruto could do to a fully functioning toilet? 

Yamato made the tea and set a wooden cup down in front of Sai. “It’s hot.”

Sai was staring at his notebook. “Um.”

“Yes?” Yamato said.

“Are you, ah. Do you. Hm. I find myself concerned.”

“What about?”

Sai’s hand tightened around his brush. “Is it possible to have a normal relationship if you’ve spent your life in ANBU?”

Yamato propped his head on his hand, put on the friendliest face he showed to teammates, and waited until Sai looked at him. “I don’t know what normal means to you, Sai. There isn’t an ideal or an average or anything that you should strive to achieve. You just do what you want with the people you want and see what happens.” He raised his cup of tea to his lips.

“But have you formed a meaningful relationship since ANBU?” Sai asked. 

“Hey,” Naruto yelled from the bedroom, “why does your bottom drawer have a bunch of Kakashi-sensei’s uniforms in it?”

Yamato was up and down the hallway before his abandoned teacup hit the ground. “What are you doing in my room, Naruto?”

Naruto was crouched over a heap of Kakashi’s clothes, squinting at one of the custom undershirts—with a built-in mask—as if it had insulted him. “I was looking for snacks. Why’re these here? Yanno, they smell like your laundry detergent. Do you do Kakashi-sensei’s laundry for him?”

“Yes,” Yamato said truthfully. His heart was hammering. If Naruto figured this out, it was all going to come out. Naruto couldn’t keep a secret to save his own life. Yamato was going to be _looked at_ and they’d have to file new paperwork (because the Hidden Leaf always wanted updated records to show relationship changes, in case of emergency) and people would talk and… Actually, thinking about it like that just proved that it wasn’t that big of a deal. Maybe no one would care and things wouldn’t change, even if Naruto yelled it to the world.

“That’s not fair!” Naruto wailed, slamming down Kakashi’s undershirt. “Yamato-sensei, will you do my laundry?”

Yamato stared at him. “Yes,” he said after a second. “I will do your laundry if you get the hell out of my things.”

Naruto pumped a fist in the air and hissed, “Yessssss! No more laundry!”

“Just leave it,” Yamato said as Naruto started cramming Kakashi’s clothes back in the dresser. “I can—”

“Also, what’s this?” Naruto held up a bottle and Yamato’s adrenaline spiked again. “It says ‘personal lubricant’ and it’s slippery like frog spit but it also tastes like strawberries.”

“Why on earth did you taste it?” was all Yamato could manage. Behind him he heard Sai rustling through some papers but Naruto was turning the bottle over and over in his hands and it was mesmerizing in a horrible way. An intersection of two worlds Yamato never wanted to see connect.

“I dunno, I was just checking that it wasn’t food,” Naruto said. “Or that it wasn’t something we needed for special missions.”

“Why would _tasting it_ tell you that?”

Naruto shrugged again.

At Yamato’s shoulder, Sai piped up; “It’s not in the dictionary but I’m seeing in my notes on a book on human relations that it is related to personal hygiene, and can sometimes be used for sexual—”

“Out of my room,” Yamato said firmly. “Both of you, now. Naruto, leave it. Stop touching things.”

Naruto set the bottle down with a sigh. “You’re so mysterious, Yamato-sensei!”

“I like my privacy,” Yamato growled. Naruto yelped at the expression on his face and fled back to the coffee table.

Yamato grabbed a rag and mopped up the tea he’d spilled by the coffee table. He’d made the tea set himself so at least he didn’t have to clean up shards of pottery. 

He made himself another cup of tea and set an electrolyte water in front of Naruto (Kakashi lived off of them because of his chakra depletion but Yamato avoided those bright-colored drinks unless he was drained beyond belief). “All right, final questions?”

“Final questions?” Naruto whined. “I thought you’d take us to dinner after all this!”

“Not when you’ve gone through my things,” Yamato said. “Sai?”

Sai was frowning at his notes. “If you have advice on human interaction, it would be appreciated.”

Yamato took a long drink of tea, thinking. “Any advice?”

“Any aspect of your experience that might prove useful.”

“Talk to people,” Yamato said. “About your own feelings, I mean. Sai, you tend to ask very personal questions and that’s hard for ninjas to deal with. Be up front with how _you_ feel, once you’re sure of your feelings. Make sure that you’re very sure, though.”

“Very sure?” Sai said, a faint wrinkle appearing between his eyebrows.

Yamato considered. “I suppose I mean ‘be careful,’” he said slowly. “I don’t want you, _either_ of you, to end up with relationship drama. As shinobi we’ve dealt with enough drama to last lifetimes. If you want someone, explain why you want them and then let them decide what to do with that knowledge. If someone wants you, make sure you’re all right with whatever arrangement you come to. It doesn’t always have to be spelled out in exact terms,” he added hastily. He could already picture Sai making a kind of bingo book of interpersonal relationship statistics. “But for relationships beyond teammates and friends, especially if you add sex into it, make sure all parties involved are on the same page.”

Both boys were staring at him now.

“Did that help?” Yamato asked.

“Yes,” Sai said. “I was just making sure you were finished.”

“That’s all I can think of to say,” Yamato said. “Anything else?”

Naruto and Sai looked at each other. Sai shook his head. Naruto raised his hand.

“Yes, Naruto,” Yamato sighed.

“So, I was digging around in that drawer in your room and there was a locked box and I thought it might have really good snacks in it so I busted it open but it had all these statues that kinda looked like life-size wieners and I’m just wondering if you collect—”

“Out,” Yamato said calmly. “We’re done.” If the kid hadn’t figured out what he and Kakashi were doing, there was no reason for him to worry about Naruto figuring out what _those_ were for. It was disturbing to know that the strength of the Nine-Tails Chakra was capable of breaking into Yamato and Kakashi’s sex toy stash but this would hopefully be the last time Naruto showed up at their apartment. 

As Yamato was sweeping Naruto out the door with Wood Jutsu, Naruto clamped on to a few beams and sang, “I’ll bring my laundry by tomorrow, Yamato-sensei! Thanks a bunch!” Then his bright yellow head and innocent smile were successfully stuffed away.

“Thank you, Captain Yamato,” Sai said, bowing slightly before he followed Naruto out.

There was a sudden deep bark outside the window. Yamato turned to find Bull’s mournful face pressed to the glass. 

“Sorry, Bull,” Yamato sighed. “You can come in.”

“Boss’s back,” the dog said. “Said he’d report and then something about toys. Said you’d know what he meant.”

Yamato cleared his throat. “Ah. I do. Thank you, Bull. For the message and the company.”

The dog huffed and vanished in a squeaky poof.

“Fuck,” Yamato said. Kakashi would laugh himself sick when Yamato told him about today.

 

______________________________

 

Tenzo spotted Kakashi going into a bar with Might Guy and he promptly forgot what errand he’d been running. He veered across the street and waved at the bouncer, who knew he was ANBU and therefore deserved a drink even if he couldn’t be sure he was old enough. He probably was, at this point. He certainly _felt_ old enough.

“Haven’t seen you here before,” she said as she held the door open for him.

“I’m just looking,” he said.

She cocked a pierced eyebrow at him. “You’re a weird kid, Kinoe.”

“Yes,” he said. He shrugged as she laughed—he knew it was true—and ducked inside.

The bar was small and crowded but Guy and Kakashi had a table to themselves, and an island of space a foot wide all around them. Guy was standing on their little circular table already. No way he was that intoxicated that quickly, that’s all Tenzo could think. They must have gone somewhere else before coming here. Guy had a shot glass in each hand and he was yelling about eternal rivalry. Slumped low enough that only a forehead protector was poking up above the table top, Tenzo could spot a tuft of grey hair. A familiar long-fingered hand was spinning an empty beer bottle absently.

“Kakashi-senpai,” Tenzo called.

Kakashi’s hand clamped around the bottle, stopping its spin. His head emerged from beneath the table. He was blinking more than usual. Tenzo wondered how many bars they’d been to before this one.

“Hey, Tenzo,” Kakashi said. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” Tenzo said. “I just got back from a debrief and I was—” Why had he gone out again? Ah, they were out of food. “—going to get dinner.”

“Aha!” cried Guy, clamping a heavy yet friendly hand on Tenzo’s shoulder. “Young fellow jonin! Your face is new to me! I am Might Guy. You are familiar with my eternal rival, the unparalleled Hatake Kakashi?”

Tenzo and Kakashi looked at each other.

“We’ve worked together,” Tenzo said.

“A bosom friendship indeed,” Guy boomed solemnly. “You must have a drink with us.”

“I don’t drink,” Tenzo said.

“Not even water?” Guy said, incredulous. Tenzo peered into his sincere, puzzled face and couldn’t spot any sign of teasing. Even looking to Kakashi gave no clue as to whether Guy was fucking with him because Kakashi was back to spinning the bottle and trying to sink below the tabletop.

“I’ll have water,” Tenzo said.

“Excellent choice!” Guy said. He bustled off.

Tenzo took a chair. “Kakashi-senpai, what’s going on?”

“Drinking contest,” Kakashi said. “Guy lost.”

“So why is he still drinking?” Tenzo gestured to the abandoned shot glasses neatly lined up on the edge of the table.

“He’s not. I am.”

Tenzo frowned. “Are you all right?”

Kakashi nodded, but it was a slow, contemplative nod. “I was when I started. But. Mmm.”

“Do you want to go home?” Tenzo said.

It took a very long, wavery moment for Kakashi to focus on his face with his uncovered eye. “Yeah.”

“Come on,” Tenzo said, holding out an arm.

Kakashi shook his head. “I can walk.” He gathered his feet from where they’d sprawled out, levered himself out of the chair, and then flopped over Tenzo’s head, his ribcage knocking Tenzo’s faceplate askew.

“I’m going to get Guy-sensei to carry you,” Tenzo tried to say. His cervical spine was getting squashed.

“Nooooo,” Kakashi whined.

“He’s kind,” Tenzo said. “He’ll do it and he won’t even make fun of you for it.”

“Nooooo,” Kakashi said insistently. He bounced a bit to emphasize his point. Tenzo’s neck spasmed. He yelped and dug his fingers into the space above Kakashi’s hip bones. It was a prime tickle spot and had the desired effect of making Kakashi flail away from him. 

Kakashi didn’t get the giggles because he was a jonin and in public and therefore above such expressions of humanity, but he swatted Tenzo across the back of his head and growled, “Asshole.”

“Come on,” Tenzo said, hooking Kakashi’s arm around his abused neck. “Let’s go.” He waved to Guy, who was speaking passionately to the bartender. Guy gave an eye-searing grin and a thumbs-up sign that Tenzo chose to interpret as “you’re all right in my book” as opposed to a worse scenario where it meant “I know you’re fucking Kakashi, good luck with that.” Tenzo steered himself and Kakashi out the door.

Kakashi took a deep breath once they made it to the rooftops. He seemed to get back most of his leg-mobility but he didn’t take his arm from around Tenzo’s shoulders. “You’re getting taller,” he said conversationally.

“Not much more than this,” Tenzo admitted. “I won’t be surpassing you, unfortunately.”

“Mmm.”

Kakashi and Tenzo’s breaths were visible in the air as they walked. It would snow soon. It hadn’t yet but it was getting to that time of year. Missions were going to be cold and everyone was going to want a fire affinity ninja on their team for the winter. The sky was clear tonight, though, and the stars were aggressively bright in the crisp air. Kakashi and Tenzo were moving at a leisurely pace across the rooftops instead of racing over them. It was a pleasant view, and quiet. No one who was up here was interested in making noise.

Tenzo surrendered to his curiosity. “What changed, Kakashi-senpai? I mean while you were drinking.”

Kakashi took a few rooftops to answer. “Naruto and Sasuke have been gone for more than two years.” 

“Sakura is still around, right?” Tenzo said. “I see her working with Rin at the hospital every now and then.”

“Yep. She’s training with Tsunade, though. Even more work now that she made chunin and Rin took an interest in her career. She’s got no time. And no team anymore.”

Tenzo readjusted his grip around Kakashi’s waist. “Don’t you see her at the hospital?”

Kakashi snorted. “I barely see you and we live together.”

“That’s because both of us work,” Tenzo pointed out. “Would you like to see her more?”

“I don’t know what to offer her,” Kakashi said. “I was always better with the boys. I spent more time with them. I thought they needed it. And they really, really did,” he added with a hiccuping laugh that sounded shockingly honest. “Oh man, they were so bad. Especially Naruto, remember me bitching about him?” 

Tenzo tried not to stare. He’d almost never heard Kakashi laugh for real. Usually it was sarcastic, or dry, or coldly fake. More often it was simply absent. Kakashi liked to make jokes but he didn’t laugh at many.

Kakashi’s laugh faded away and there was a dull silence before he said, “She has a family. She doesn’t need me. They needed me. But, I dunno, maybe they didn’t. I certainly didn’t work to be a dad or anything. Iruka-sensei has the whole ‘mom’ thing covered for Naruto. But Sasuke… He was too fucked up. I tried but he was even worse than I was at that age. And I thought he’d just. I should have tried harder with him. You know how I sorted everything out for myself?”

Tenzo ventured a, “Yes?” when it was clear Kakashi expected an answer.

“You didn’t see all of it,” Kakashi said. “I was. Well. Before I. Hm. Anyway, I figured out how to live with myself and I thought Sasuke could do it too but we weren’t the same. He was angry when I was… despairing. I should’ve seen that earlier.”

“Of course you’re not the same,” Tenzo said, shocked.

Kakashi gave one of his dry laughs at that. “Yeah, well. I didn’t see it that way. Obito was Naruto, anyone who sees Rin working with Sakura can see how they’re similar, and so that leaves me and Sasuke. But this time _I_ had to be Minato-sensei. And no way I could measure up to him.”

It took Tenzo a while to work out what Kakashi was saying. “You mean you’re comparing your Team Seven to your old team dynamics?” he asked eventually, trying to clarify.

“ ‘Course I did,” Kakashi snapped, and suddenly yanked away from Tenzo. He took a few quick steps away and turned his back, flattening a hand over his covered eye.

Tenzo waited.

“It’s not fair,” Kakashi said. “To them.”

“No,” Tenzo agreed.

“I did it, though.”

Tenzo took a step closer. When Kakashi didn’t twitch away or tense up, he moved to stand beside him. Kakashi was glaring at the roof tiles, hand still clamped over his Sharingan.

“You know, you’re the only one who doesn’t remind me of people I’ve lost,” Kakashi said. “I dunno if that’s fair to you. Being someone new for me.”

Tenzo stuffed his hands in his pockets to heat them up. “I’ve never had a team,” he said. “Not a team made up of people whom I knew and trusted and loved.”

Kakashi flinched at the word ‘loved.’ 

Tenzo bumped their shoulders together and continued: “You have your job and your team even if they’re scattered and Rin and Guy and the Sannin Jiraiya and a pack of dogs who are smelly but well-meaning. I simply have a job and you. I don’t know if that’s fair to you.”

Kakashi’s grey eye slid his direction. “What’re you trying to say there, Tenzo, that I’m your whole world and the moon and stars and shit?” he said, his tone tense under a thin layer of teasing. He was trying to lighten the mood, perhaps. Maybe he was offering Tenzo an out of this conversation.

“I want to be around you,” Tenzo said bluntly. “Is that still acceptable? Even knowing that I’m lacking a lot of things in my life and I may rely on you more than I should? Or knowing I was essentially designed in a lab? Or knowing that I have trouble with large crowds and I have nightmares and I’ve never met your friends or your teammates because I never asked? Or knowing I dislike holding hands in public in case people start looking at us? Is it okay?”

Kakashi was quiet. “Don’t laugh,” he said suddenly.

Tenzo frowned. “What? I wasn’t. Should I be?”

“I want to ask you something and I want you to not laugh. Promise.”

Tenzo took a moment to consider. “All right. I won’t.”

“Can you, like. Do a confession?”

“A what? I think I said everything that—”

Kakashi waved a hand irritably. “Confess to me! Feelings! Like we’re in—”

“In a romance novel?” Tenzo said. He didn’t even try to keep the amusement out of his voice, but he did refrain from laughing. He’d promised, after all.

“Yes!” Kakashi snapped.

Tenzo considered again, grinning now. “An all-out, balls-to-the-wall, open-hearted confession?”

Kakashi’s silence was answer enough.

“All right,” Tenzo said. “I’ll do my best.” He cleared his throat and took a few steps back. “Kakashi-senpai?”

Kakashi grunted.

Tenzo rolled his eyes, walked forward and rested a hand on Kakashi’s upper arm. “There’s something I need to say to you.”

“This sounds forced,” Kakashi said. “ ‘I need to say’? Really?”

“It’s how I talk,” Tenzo said, digging his fingers into Kakashi’s shoulder. “Deal with it. It’s important, and therefore I _need_ to say it. Not just want to, but _need_ to.”

Slowly, Kakashi turned to face him. He dropped his hand from his eye and crammed both hands into his pockets. His posture shifted into something neutral yet wary, his usual reaction to the world. “What is it, then, Tenzo?”

“I love you,” he said.

Kakashi’s visible eye looked over Tenzo’s shoulder, into the distance. He sounded completely satisfied when he said, “Thought so.”

Tenzo released him and rubbed his hands together briskly to get feeling back into them. “Should we go on?”

“Hey, I’m supposed to say whether I accept it or not,” Kakashi said.

“Do you accept?”

Kakashi nodded. “Yeah.”

“Should we go on?” Tenzo repeated.

“You don’t want me to say it or anything?”

Tenzo smiled. “I’m not going to ask you to. I’m not a hopeless romantic.”

Kakashi stared, then laughed his true, hiccuping laugh to the stars. “You dick!”

Tenzo breathed on his fingers. “Besides, you’re even more obvious than I am.”

“Fuck off,” Kakashi said, swiping at him slowly enough that Tenzo was able to dodge.

 

______________________________

 

“You know,” Yamato said quietly, “you look pretty tantalizing without the vest.”

Kakashi turned to stare at him. “We’re on a mission,” he said, as if he wasn’t sure Yamato remembered busting into a deadly battle to save his ass from a yarn monster of a shinobi.

Yamato glanced to where their teams were racing ahead of them. Sakura was practically carrying a battered but triumphant Naruto (and it was disturbing how those two adjectives perfectly captured Naruto after every battle) while Ino and Choji tried to get Shikamaru to explain what had happened to him in Nara Forest. “They’re busy.”

“Oh my god, Tenzo,” Kakashi said, sounding highly appreciative. “You horny fucker.”

“I don’t have my hand down your pants or your shirt tangled in a convenient tree,” Yamato said. “I’m showing remarkable restraint.”

Kakashi’s uncovered eyebrow shot so high it was hidden behind his forehead protector. “My goodness.”

“I never get to go on missions with you,” Yamato said, shrugging. “I never see you in action anymore. You’re thrillingly adept.”

“I’m blushing,” Kakashi said. “You can’t tell but I am. I’m all atwitter.” 

Yamato took Kakashi’s hand, feeling split nails, calluses, and the many fine scars that came from messing around with kunai and shuriken and thin, tricky wire. “It’s inspiring to see someone who’s so good at this job, and who makes it look easy.”

“You know I was in big fucking trouble back there, right?” Kakashi said. “You definitely were definitely the cavalry.”

“I know,” Yamato said. “I’m good at this job, too. But you _look good_ doing this job.”

“Tenzo,” Kakashi said. And he said it in that surprised-yet-pleased way that meant Yamato was doing something right.

“Hey, hey, what’re you doing Kakashi-sensei, Yamato-sensei?” Naruto called. He’d twisted around, almost dragging Sakura to the ground with him. She was getting that look in her eye that meant Naruto was ten seconds from getting knocked out and dragged back to the Hidden Leaf by one ankle. Team Ten was far ahead and still exchanging stories, but Sai had dropped back and was sitting backwards on his ink bird, his eyes on their clasped hands.

“Chakra transfer jutsu,” Kakashi said. “Running diagnostics. We’re team captains, after all. We need to check in with each other.”

“Oh?” Naruto said, his face lighting up. “Can you teach me, huh? I might need it, especially if I keep using my cool new RasenShuriken!”

“It’s a two-person jutsu,” Kakashi said. “And it requires way more chakra control than you have, so you better keep working on that.”

“I will, you believe it!” Naruto said. He tried to make a fist but winced. “Oh, ow, this one’s the broken arm.”

“Idiot,” Sakura hissed. She hoisted Naruto even more onto her shoulder and sped up.

Sai hung back. “I would learn this jutsu with Naruto, if he requires a partner,” he said.

“I’ll let you know when he hits the right level of chakra control for it to be safe,” Kakashi said. “It’s a delicate process, poking around in someone else’s chakra network.”

Yamato nodded seriously. “That’s right. Kakashi-senpai, for shame! You need to watch your chakra levels.”

“That’s bullshit, I’m always careful,” Kakashi said. “Go on ahead, Sai, we’re fine. Tenzo, you should check again.”

“I will,” Yamato said, and tightened his grip on Kakashi’s hand.

**Author's Note:**

> Kakashi lived in a fuckin shithole by himself when he was what, twelve? And then he was in ANBU and that probably sucked, and I’m damn well not letting him live alone after all his shitty PTSD nightmares. I rewatched those Kakashi and Yamato backstory eps and I’m mad they let a traumatized kid live alone, I’m _fuckin pissed_. I’m also making up the idea of ninja barracks but they just make so much sense. Like you might die at any time so why not stick all those ANBU and chunin/jonin in one place where no one has to worry about broken leases and porn buddies?
> 
> Headcanon there’s a four/five year age difference between these guys. I think it’s kinda creepy relationship-wise cuz shit they are young but I also think it’s true.
> 
> Sorry not sorry about all the name switching. I figure Yamato identifying with names has been fairly fluid and it’s based around different stages in his life—Kinoe when he was an ANBU drone, Tenzo once Kakashi showed up and started using it (adorable ‘remember that little girl who thought you were her dead brother’ pet name), and Yamato now that he’s on a long-term mission as a team captain. I don’t really get the purpose of changing his name so much in the show but why not roll with it?
> 
> Like all the big words? ‘Gelid’—who uses that? I decided Yamato is a grammar fiend and loves dictionaries. There’s zero evidence of this. I made liberal use of a thesaurus. Yamato swears way less than anyone else I’ve written and it’s bizarre. I feel cheated out of every instance of the word ‘fuck’ I could have used but didn’t because he’d have better vocab than that.
> 
> Rin’s here because there was literally no real reason to kill her in the series. She’s bros with Kakashi and she works as a medic and she’s Sakura’s mentor at the hospital and she’s awesome even if I couldn’t work her in here that much because this is Yamato’s perspective.


End file.
